I can feel my heart breaking as I read this. I wrote a whole dissertation on the topic of commitment and oppression. After some personal experiences.
It’s the white patriarchal capitalist mindset of personal gain rather than mutual gift. Biggest bang for buck, return on investment…we have no commitment because we have no skin in the game.
We’ve ecologically removed our skin and bodies - literally - from the game through clothing, air con, buildings. We have made life more stable, predictable, taken away danger of starvation (processed food) or predation (endangerment of many predator species).
We’ve relationally removed our skin in the game through the marketplace of online dating, the commodification of relationships, the objectification of potential partners. Don’t like this one? Go to the store and get a full refund!
To commit is to have skin in the game. It is to take on risk. It is to be invested, to care, to need, to give a damn. Hetero-patriarchal western culture as well as New Age stuff demands we all be “chill.” Don’t care too much. Don’t show your cards. Don’t depend or have anyone depend on you. Relax. Stop being hysterical. Think positive thoughts. Go with the flow. “Just let go.”
To be alive is to risk. It is to be vulnerable. To risk loss. To hurt. The robots, AI and techno-utopians promise us a world where we never have to risk but…it’s a lie. We are always at the whims of nature and the elements, the finance system could collapse any moment with its $200 quadrillion in derivatives (?!), earthquakes could destroy my flat in an instant.
One another is all we have.
The discomfort you describe here of people really committing to standing up for Palestine reminds me of how my parents conditioned us to not look at beggars when we lived in India. Even to look so dangerous. To give is dangerous. If you give to one, then you must give to all, give forever, and you’ll have nothing left. You’ll become a beggar yourself. Don’t become dependent; don’t let anyone depend on you. Stand on your own two feet. Inside your flesh encapsulated in skin. Alone.
The “pick up the trash” part also made me cry. How beautiful to see that sign and to see people care and do something about it. I just feel so heartbroken about how much rubbish and pollution there is in India and how overwhelming it feels. I just watched a clip of Julia Butterfly Hill living continuously on a platform high up in the redwood trees for over two years to stop thousands of year old trees being bulldozed - getting supplies sent up to her by rope etc. So amazing.
I can understand it’s hard to commit to anything in a world that feels so uncommitted to us. Why should I commit to this job, this electricity company, this place…when capitalism doesn’t care and nobody has time to commit to anything or anyone beyond perhaps their nuclear family and work? Everything feels fragile. Finance, relationships, jobs, family, health. No one seems to care, not enough, not consistently. Why should anyone persist and show up and commit? The world has moved on from “boring” values of stability, steadfastness, predictability, solidity, and it’s all about novelty (eg academia), innovation, the “spark,” the X factor.
It’s not worth making it work out, doing accountability, because you can just walk away without consequences and find another job / partner / family / friend group / hobby / therapist / etc. And that’s great…because some jobs and some places really do suck. But also not great - we have everything at our fingertips and nothing at all, all at the same time.
From being an artist that loved spontaneity, exploration, adventure, I’ve gone through a kind of hell and found myself craving routine, predictability, constancy. Nice quiet boring values. Friends who commit. Jobs that are stable. Flats that I can stay in long term. And getting my skin - literally - in the game by via sunshine and ice baths. We’ve forgotten how to connect because we’ve forgotten how to be exposed, literally. And to be exposed is to touch and be touched - by sunshine, cold air, rain, earth. The more I follow the cycles of light/dark, and get exposure to the elements, the better I feel. Paradoxically more “invulnerable,” but that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I wanted to say: Interdependence constrains power. For those who want power, dependence is to be eliminated.
The more we depend on others…the more we rely on them for getting our needs met, the more likely we are to do things that will also make their lives more wonderful. And conversely, the less committed you are in a relationship, the less you care, the less you’re bothered by someone meeting/not meeting your needs…and the less inclined you feel to meet theirs. This is called the “principle of least interest” in the literature. Like when you’re haggling in India and you have to pretend not to care about the item you actually really do want to get the lowest price. Capitalism makes everyone want the lowest price. To be the least invested.
The more we live in a society which is all about the Story of Separation, about the denial of dependency, the less committed we are. When everything appears as a homogenous class of interchangeable, fungible entities, there’s no need for dependence on *this* forest, on this river, on this human, on this community. It’s about an objective, homogenous, abstracted “other,” rather than about a unique individual bound to the self by particular ties. The system convinces us that bonds of connection are really bonds of slavery, while enslaving us in its delusion of freedom.
A freedom that is SO good for us that we need bombs, guns, coups, assassinations and genocides to enforce it.
I can feel my heart breaking as I read this. I wrote a whole dissertation on the topic of commitment and oppression. After some personal experiences.
It’s the white patriarchal capitalist mindset of personal gain rather than mutual gift. Biggest bang for buck, return on investment…we have no commitment because we have no skin in the game.
We’ve ecologically removed our skin and bodies - literally - from the game through clothing, air con, buildings. We have made life more stable, predictable, taken away danger of starvation (processed food) or predation (endangerment of many predator species).
We’ve relationally removed our skin in the game through the marketplace of online dating, the commodification of relationships, the objectification of potential partners. Don’t like this one? Go to the store and get a full refund!
To commit is to have skin in the game. It is to take on risk. It is to be invested, to care, to need, to give a damn. Hetero-patriarchal western culture as well as New Age stuff demands we all be “chill.” Don’t care too much. Don’t show your cards. Don’t depend or have anyone depend on you. Relax. Stop being hysterical. Think positive thoughts. Go with the flow. “Just let go.”
To be alive is to risk. It is to be vulnerable. To risk loss. To hurt. The robots, AI and techno-utopians promise us a world where we never have to risk but…it’s a lie. We are always at the whims of nature and the elements, the finance system could collapse any moment with its $200 quadrillion in derivatives (?!), earthquakes could destroy my flat in an instant.
One another is all we have.
The discomfort you describe here of people really committing to standing up for Palestine reminds me of how my parents conditioned us to not look at beggars when we lived in India. Even to look so dangerous. To give is dangerous. If you give to one, then you must give to all, give forever, and you’ll have nothing left. You’ll become a beggar yourself. Don’t become dependent; don’t let anyone depend on you. Stand on your own two feet. Inside your flesh encapsulated in skin. Alone.
The “pick up the trash” part also made me cry. How beautiful to see that sign and to see people care and do something about it. I just feel so heartbroken about how much rubbish and pollution there is in India and how overwhelming it feels. I just watched a clip of Julia Butterfly Hill living continuously on a platform high up in the redwood trees for over two years to stop thousands of year old trees being bulldozed - getting supplies sent up to her by rope etc. So amazing.
I can understand it’s hard to commit to anything in a world that feels so uncommitted to us. Why should I commit to this job, this electricity company, this place…when capitalism doesn’t care and nobody has time to commit to anything or anyone beyond perhaps their nuclear family and work? Everything feels fragile. Finance, relationships, jobs, family, health. No one seems to care, not enough, not consistently. Why should anyone persist and show up and commit? The world has moved on from “boring” values of stability, steadfastness, predictability, solidity, and it’s all about novelty (eg academia), innovation, the “spark,” the X factor.
It’s not worth making it work out, doing accountability, because you can just walk away without consequences and find another job / partner / family / friend group / hobby / therapist / etc. And that’s great…because some jobs and some places really do suck. But also not great - we have everything at our fingertips and nothing at all, all at the same time.
From being an artist that loved spontaneity, exploration, adventure, I’ve gone through a kind of hell and found myself craving routine, predictability, constancy. Nice quiet boring values. Friends who commit. Jobs that are stable. Flats that I can stay in long term. And getting my skin - literally - in the game by via sunshine and ice baths. We’ve forgotten how to connect because we’ve forgotten how to be exposed, literally. And to be exposed is to touch and be touched - by sunshine, cold air, rain, earth. The more I follow the cycles of light/dark, and get exposure to the elements, the better I feel. Paradoxically more “invulnerable,” but that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I wanted to say: Interdependence constrains power. For those who want power, dependence is to be eliminated.
The more we depend on others…the more we rely on them for getting our needs met, the more likely we are to do things that will also make their lives more wonderful. And conversely, the less committed you are in a relationship, the less you care, the less you’re bothered by someone meeting/not meeting your needs…and the less inclined you feel to meet theirs. This is called the “principle of least interest” in the literature. Like when you’re haggling in India and you have to pretend not to care about the item you actually really do want to get the lowest price. Capitalism makes everyone want the lowest price. To be the least invested.
The more we live in a society which is all about the Story of Separation, about the denial of dependency, the less committed we are. When everything appears as a homogenous class of interchangeable, fungible entities, there’s no need for dependence on *this* forest, on this river, on this human, on this community. It’s about an objective, homogenous, abstracted “other,” rather than about a unique individual bound to the self by particular ties. The system convinces us that bonds of connection are really bonds of slavery, while enslaving us in its delusion of freedom.
A freedom that is SO good for us that we need bombs, guns, coups, assassinations and genocides to enforce it.
Excellent piece, and thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you for reflecting and bringing in your associations LoWa, and for the reminders, the recommitments.
wow ❤️
❤️🍉